Deal or Distract

While walking with a friend in the Redwoods and discussing recent events, it became clear to me that in every moment I have a choice and recently it is boiling down to a simple one - deal with what is arising or allow seemingly innocent distractions of staying busy in socially approved activities to distract from that which is trying to get my attention.

As an embarrassingly privileged person with more than adequate resources of time, material goods, health, wealth, friends, abilities, I find myself in the dark woods of middle age facing those deep soul questions that I imagine arise for most people. Nothing big, dark, scary has triggered this, just a constant knocking at the door of my heart.

I know how to make this nuisance disappear easily ... just turn my attention to some project or socially approved volunteer activity that could both assuage my ego and earn some external kudos, but the voice from depth persists, gently reminding me that this is the time to probe and inquire within, to rest and sit in silence and stillness and be with what arises in spite of the discomfort and feelings of guilt for not being more externally engaged. Listen to the beat of my own drum, thrumming in my chest for attention.