Wypipo

Recent SoulCollage card

I knew that looking into whiteness would be challenging but each day seems to bring new revelations of ugly, new twists in territory that is unfamiliar. Negotiating this landscape is personally painful as much as I try to not take it personally.

I'm feeling stuck between releasing old perspectives and their associated comforts and forging new ones with seemingly sticky and hostile connections. As I hang out protesting I feel the welcome of people of color but not of the white leaders from whom I feel open hostility. This both puzzles and hurts. Yup, I get the white defensiveness aspect of this pain and am plumbing it for learning. They don't know me, so is it my whiteness, age, privilege ... all of that? Dunno.

What I do know is that bridging is much much harder than walling.  Staying behind walls of division ensures comfort and walking in that space between walls invites sniper fire from both sides. Maybe I need a bullet proof vest, maybe that's what these young activist women are wearing and maybe it brings a high degree of suspicion with it. Dunno. It's not pretty, not pretty at all.