Dancing on the Edge - January 23, 2018

Following a good night's rest the day looked bright and my mood followed as I had some realizations. There are dark unpleasant sides to the tango world. Conservative traditions of extreme role definition, hunting grounds for some people, the kind of thing one would imagine, but as I spend more time I see there are also more subtle currents at play.

People ask people who they are comfortable dancing with, who they feel safe or powerful or in control with, and for other reasons I have yet to understand. When I get in touch with my own comfort zone it is in dancing on the edges ... of control, of creative expression, of finding pleasure, of having fun, but it is rarely for safety and never for hunting for anything beyond the response to a moment or playfully connecting in new ways.

This has made me realize that there are probably a small percent of potential partners who are looking for the same thing and I may present a bigger risk than many are prepared to take. (My dear Howard helped me come to this realization - I'm so grateful)

I resent the sexism in the dance and I suspect that may be evident. People have pretty good radar for sizing up who is a good fit and it's not just about age, beauty, and dance ability but probably also related to these underlying motivations. I'm trying to talk myself into not taking rejection personally - a constant challenge.

Today I am back to valuing the dance for pure expression and joy, realizing that my own dance community is a special place for that and appreciating that any partners I find outside of that are rare blessings.